“She has been in that marriage for 5 years and still no child. What’s she doing there?”
“Maybe he’s not man enough.”
“They need to go to the village for cleansing.”
“It’s their people.”
If you live in Africa, you’ve probably heard comments like these whispered at weddings, family gatherings, or over a neighbour’s fence.
But here’s what many still don’t understand:
Infertility is a medical condition. Not a curse. Not punishment. And not anyone’s fault.
It’s time to talk about infertility, not with judgment or shame, but with understanding and kindness.
● What Is Infertility?
Infertility is the inability to get pregnant after 12 months of regular, unprotected sex. It also includes difficulty carrying a pregnancy to full term. It affects both men and women, and is more common than people think.
🌱 Causes of Infertility in Men and Women
In Women:
– Blocked fallopian tubes (from infections like STIs)
– Ovulation disorders (e.g., PCOS, hormonal imbalances)
– Uterine fibroids
– Endometriosis
– Age-related egg decline
In Men:
– Low sperm count or poor sperm quality
– Hormonal issues
– Testicular injuries or infections
– Lifestyle factors (smoking, alcohol, poor diet)
In some cases, NO CLEAR CAUSE IS FOUND, this is called unexplained infertility.
In many cultures, having children is not just expected; it’s a badge of honor, especially for women. A woman is often judged by how quickly she conceives, while a man’s masculinity is questioned if his wife isn’t pregnant.
This pressure leads to:
• Depression and anxiety
• Broken marriages
• Social isolation
• Unfair blame (usually on the woman)
And all of this happens before a proper medical test is even done.
🗣️ Why We Must Speak Sensitively
Infertility is deeply emotional. For many couples, it’s a painful private journey filled with tests, prayers, hospital visits, and silent tears. The last thing they need is a careless question or cruel comment.
Avoid saying things like:
“When are you people giving us twins?”
“You’ve been married since; what are you waiting for?”
“Is it that you don’t like children?”
Instead, try:
“How are you both doing these days?”
“I’m here if you ever want to talk.”
Or say nothing, and just show love and support.
For Couples on This Journey: You Are Not Alone❗
If you or someone you love is facing infertility, know this:
📌You are not less of a man or woman.
📌Your worth is not tied to your ability to bear children.
📌You are allowed to grieve, seek help, and take your time.
📌You deserve dignity, support, and medical care, not shame.
Infertility is real. It’s complex. It’s emotional. It’s wrapped in layers of culture, religion, and expectation, but if we must move forward as a healthier, more informed society, we must replace gossip with grace, and replace judgment with genuine compassion.
