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Tuesday, July 16, 2024

Devaan says….My husband backs others against me

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Good day sister,
I am deeply pained by this matter. It seems to me that whenever I have issues with people my husband automatically takes sides with them! Recently I had a quarrel with a family friends wife. She was meant to get me a maid but we hadn’t yet agreed terms when she suddenly brought the girl to my house one day, dropped her off and disappeared without explanation. My husband was out if the country at the time and I never conclude such matters in his absence so I took the girl back, hoping the lady would understand only for her to launch into a tirade about the time and effort she put into looking for the girl. I stayed patient through her palaver. Went back and got across to her husband to explain the situation. Instead of carefully hearing me out, he promptly took sides with his wife! To cut a long story short, when my husband came back, I told him everything. He not only called his friend and joked about the matter, at Christmas he sent them a gift despite the fact that they have been giving us a cold shoulder since the issue began. They have gradually started coming over again,  acting as if all is well but I am incensed and told my husband so. In my view his actions belittled the fact that I was offended by his friend and the wife.
Am I overreacting?
Devaan says...
Well, if all you have done is express your displeasure to your husband, I dont think you over reacted and while the matter might seem trivial, I do empathise with your need for loyalty from your husband. It actually is important that you both present a united front especially to outsiders. It’s also good you made him understand how his actions made you feel. Bottling up negative feelings never helps though how they are expressed matters just as much.
That said, I honestly don’t think your husband meant to hurt your feelings. In my view he did what he could to prevent an escalation of tensions and the possible death of what’s probably a good friendship over domestic matters. Where I think he went wrong was in not involving you in the peace process somehow. You did mention at the beginning of your complaint that he always sides with others against you. Is this a recurring thing then, you being combative, him always dousing the flames? In that case you need to carefully evaluate how you react to things that happen around you that you don’t like. You see, the truth is most of us will frequently find ourselves facing unpleasant situations which will be beyond our control. In such instances what we should do is try hard to control our own response instead. Also remember dear,  It’s just one life. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Relax and enjoy your peace maker husband.
All is well.

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