{"id":11347,"date":"2018-08-11T12:46:44","date_gmt":"2018-08-11T12:46:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/everyday.ng\/?p=11347"},"modified":"2018-08-11T12:46:44","modified_gmt":"2018-08-11T12:46:44","slug":"my-children-the-curse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/everyday.ng\/?p=11347","title":{"rendered":"My children, the curse!"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Lizzy Oyebola Oyekunle<\/strong>
\nThree months into our marriage, Laura was the best woman I had ever met!
\nTalk of who spoke my love language the best, it was Laura!
\nPlanning surprises, pulling up loving pranks, praying for me, tickling and pecking me out of the blues, sending my heart some quakings, making me love God more and climbing higher and higher spiritually, making me laugh more and making me more healthy were all Laura\u2019s handiwork in those three months!
\nI got home on the 23rd of July, 2016 to meet Laura looking sullen in the couch. Her body was hotter than the hottest boiling ring. I brought out my stethoscope and ran a quick test on her. Alas, we were expecting our first child!
\nIt was the best day of our lives as we prayed, sang praises to the Lord and merried together. Little did I know that the construction of a strong bridge had started between Laura and I.
\nTo kill it all, four months into the pregnancy, we realized that we wouldn\u2019t be expecting a baby- not two babies but three healthy babies- we were aghast!
\nLaura wouldn\u2019t do anything in the house again!
\nIn fact, to clean up a bit, at least till I come back was a problem to my darling Laura. I felt so used!
\nTo even spin some clothes for me while I did the dishes was a big deal- she was the one carrying our babies!
\n\u201cIf you know its too much work, come and carry the babies and I will do everything then!\u201d She would scream into my face. I really wished at that point that I could do a transfer of the babies to my wombless body.
\nWhat of \u2018bedmatics\u2019? \u201cOh my God! Nick we will disturb the babies if we try that. You could cuddle round me all you want but let the main thing wait till I deliver please\u201d She would tell me.
\nAs a medical doctor, I would try to explain to my lady that copulation wouldn\u2019t disturb any baby as they are in a totally different \u2018compartment\u2019 but who I be? My girl would not bulge! Lailai!
\n\u201cCould you reduce the volume on that TV set please? I want to sleep and the babies are about sleeping too\u201d My big baby would complain often.
\nIn fact, my wife took months off her business to set up the triplet\u2019s room. Most times, I would look around the whole house for my wife and would find her in the pink room- she would have slept off, beautiful clothes of our babies laid upon her chest.
\nI started feeling so uncomfortable. Sometimes, I would call Laura to tell her about how I felt and on those occasions, my wife would always say:
\n\u201cSweetheart, you get jealous too much! How can a dad get jealous of his own babies? Haha…God help you dear. But see, my children mean so much to me like you mean so much to me too. I love you, as I love them also, so don\u2019t get any jealous o. You hear?\u201d She would say and as innocently as she tried to create the words, they gave me the chills when I heard them.
\nFine, we had our babies in March and I was excited, thinking a great change would come after the delivery but what? I wish!
\nMy wife couldn\u2019t have a normal delivery because of the complications of the pregnancy and it dealt with me a great deal. I had to get a maid for her when my back started hurting from serious backaches. In fact, I had to start physiotherapy.
\nWhat of Bedmatics? That stayed an extra three months after our babies\u2019 birth. Everything about my wife changed, even her prayer pattern. It became about 80% for our babies and herself, 10% for me and 10% for other things.
\nI became a father as our children were growing up but my position as a husband was reduced by 80%. To make matters worst, Laura started calling me \u201cT.T.D.\u201d What do you think that means? \u201cThe Three\u2019s dad\u201d!
\nWhen she started calling me that, I really didn\u2019t pay attention to it at first but after a while, when I realized that my position reduced drastically from being a husband to a father, I had to call Laura\u2019s attention.
\n\u201cI am gradualy losing my place in this family hon. I am becoming a father only instead of being a husband!\u201d I exclaimed one day when she eventually entered the room after midnight. She looked at me strangely like I was a bad omen.
\n\u201cA father and a husband, which is greatest my husband?\u201d She asked and I shook my head. What kind of question could that be?!
\n\u201cLaura, a mother and a wife, which is greatest?\u201d I turned the question back at her and she smirked.
\n\u201cSweetheart, being a mother comes with so much responsibilities. Aren\u2019t you a proud father of three? I am so happy that I can\u2019t hold it in love. I am excited to have three lovely girls! Aren\u2019t you excited?\u201d She asked and I nodded.
\n\u201cI want to be a proud husband first, before I can be a proud father!\u201d
\n\u201cLike seriously!\u201d My wife exclaimed like I was saying some crazy words.
\n\u201cWho do you love most? Your triplet or myself?\u201d I asked and my wife stuttered at first. She buried her face in her hands and sighed.
\n\u201cSweetheart, you shouldn\u2019t make such comparisms! I bore these children in my womb. We ate together, drank together and felt all my pains and gains together. It is natural that I love them. I am not choosing them over you but they are part of me than you are darling. Or what do you think?\u201d
\n\u201cWoow! Woow! Thanks Laura for making it clear!\u201d
\n\u201cI don\u2019t get you!\u201d She exclaimed in a raised tone like she would cry.
\n\u201cIf you do not understand me, no problem. You understand your babies\u2019 incoherent blabbings to my well explained talks. Its fine\u201d I raised my hands to the ceiling and adjusted my pillow. Pulling a duvet over myself, I closed my eyes to force a sleep.
\n\u201cSweetheart, you can\u2019t sleep on me. Let\u2019s talk it out. We promised each other not to take each day\u2019s disagreement to the next day\u201d She pulled at my pyjamas and I shrugged.
\n\u201cIf you check the clock, you will see that this disagreement has been successfully carried into another day! See the time your husband gets to talk to you a whole day!\u201d I forced myself to say again.
\nI was feeling so far from my wife. I loved to spend quality time with her and all. Even when I go to the Pink Room to help out, she would usually pursue me out with the \u201cThat\u2019s not how to do it T.T.D.\u201d \u201cNo, leave that for me T.T.D.\u201d \u201cC\u2019mon T.T.D., the baby is gonna fall!\u201d
\nShe pulled at my pyjamas for a while and then I realized that her hands had stopped moving. I turned slowly to look at her and she was fast asleep! Oh my!
\nI tucked her in her side of the bed, covered her with the other side of the duvet and bent over her when I was done.
\nI didn\u2019t know when a tear fell. And another. Right on her face!
\n\u201cAre you that tired hon?\u201d I asked, sobbing quietly like I was a kid. Looking into her face, she looked like a stranger. It was the first time in months that I had been so close to her, the babies were either on her laps, or on her chest, or beside her!
\n\u201cAre children a curse? Nay, children are a curse!\u201d I cried out and when her face moved like she was about to wake, I turned to my side of the bed and pretended to be fast asleep, my tears filling my bed.
\n\u201cI wish we didn\u2019t have babies instantly. And to kill it all Lord, You gave us three!\u201d I complained and I felt a nudge at my shoulder.
\n\u201cStop that!\u201d The Holy Spirit spoke to me.
\nI nodded. Of course, I had said too much!
\n\u201cChildren are the heritage of the Lord! Who I be to say they are a curse. Lord, have mercy. I miss Laura though! I miss her Lord! No more talks, no more checking up on me at work. If I did check on her, she could be too busy to pick up! No more good meals Lord! No more pecks, no more intimacy, no more love Lord\u2026\u201d I paused at that, picked my Bible from the bedlamp stool and hugged it tightly, waiting for sleep to \u2018carry me away.\u2019
\nFrom that day, I really did change!
\nI would whistle around the house after work, vacuum the floor, do the dishes, spread the babies\u2019 clothes, move to the library, do some work till late night, sleep off on the couch there and later join my sleeping wife in the bedroom.
\nThat was the norm for a long time till Laura started missing me too. One night, she tucked our one year old babies in their beds so early that I found it weird. She came inside, bathed, changed into a very lovely nightie and slept so close to me, her lovely scent wafting into my nose. I frowned a bit as she started touching me here and there. When I realized what she wanted, I yawned like I was just waking up, picked my Bible from the stool and faced her like I was sleep drunk.
\n\u201cT.T.D will be with his baby tonight\u201d I said and the way her jaws dropped made me chuckle inside.
\n\u201cFeel how it feels!\u201d I muttered as I marched victoriously out of the room.
\nI played the stranger with her for just a month but I guess it was too much for her because my pastor\u2019s wife who also was my mother in the Lord visited us one sunny afternoon and started interrogating her children. Laura burst out crying.
\n\u201cI am starved mummy! Dave is not nice to me anymore. It wasn\u2019t always like that\u201d She cried on and I just couldn\u2019t raise my head. It took her a month to see that all wasn\u2019t well when I had always known from the time our wedding was three months???
\n\u201cMummy, Dave is simply jealous! I can remember him calling me to choose between our babies and him. But I thought he should understand. These babies came out of me. It is natural that I show more affection but he wouldn\u2019t bulge. He won\u2019t let me touch him because of that also\u201d She said, blinking hard to avoid the tears in her eyes. I chuckled. So my James Bond wife could shed a tear because of desire?
\n\u201cDave, oya, talk. What\u2019s happening?\u201d Mummy asked and I smiled slightly.
\n\u201cEverything my wife said is true mummy.\u201d I said and paused. \u201cLaura hurt me also but I have gotten over it. Let her get over it also so that we can take care of our babies together\u201d I said intentionally so my words could pierce her.
\n\u201cYou only want to take care of your babies? What of your wife?\u201d Mummy asked and I rubbed my forehead.
\n\u201cI choose my children over my wife also. Their feelings over her feelings!\u201d I dropped more and saw as her face flinched.
\n\u201cMy wife is selfish mummy! She cuts the love she had for me into 70\/30, gave her children 70 and myself 30. I am deciding to cut mine into 60\/40 and give her the 40. Am I not still fair? Its tit for tat mummy\u201d I said like a child \u2018tonguing out\u2019 at a wicked aunty.
\n\u201cDave, its not fair\u201d Laura sobbed and I shrugged. I was surprisingly enjoying her pains too.
\n\u201cDon\u2019t cry if you want us to settle this issue Laura. Just clean your face and let\u2019s find a lasting solution\u201d Mummy snapped at her and she nodded as she wiped her face with the edge of her wrapper.
\n\u201cDave, you sound hurt\u201d Mummy said and I nodded.
\n\u201cI have gotten over it though\u201d I said.
\n\u201cThat\u2019s a lie. I can still see the pains in your face and your words.\u201d Mummy said and I sighed, shrugging as I did.
\n\u201cLaura, you are hurt too, right?\u201d Mummy asked her too and she nodded, sniffing wetly.
\n\u201cDeeply mum\u201d She said. I gasped.
\n\u201cI am so happy that you both are having this experience early in your marriage. I will tell you a personal experience, chip in some advice and pray with you. Let\u2019s pray before I start that\u201d She said, said some words of prayers and started digging deep into her wise words.
\n\u201cWhen we got married, I fell in love with my twins like Laura has fallen in love with her triplets. My husband fell in love with his ministry since he couldn\u2019t find a best friend in me anymore. I can see that Dave hasn\u2019t gotten to that point. Better be thankful.\u201d She paused and I smiled. She obviously knew me well!
\n\u201cI gave the pet names I used for my husband to my babies. \u2018Oh darling Janet, C\u2019mon Sweetheart!\u2019 I would always say. I started calling my husband \u201cDaddy\u201d and he started calling me \u2018Mummy\u2019 too. I didn\u2019t feel there was a change. In fact, when I realized that my husband was loving his ministry more than myself, I consoled myself with the fact that my children were my love! What a lie from the pit of hell!\u201d Mummy exclaimed emphatically and I looked up at her. Even my wife\u2019s face wore a big shock.
\n\u201cThe Bible says \u2018What God has joined together, let no man…\u201d Let me add here \u2018Let no woman, no in-law, no girl, no neighbour, no maid, no children, nobody put asunder!\u2019 my children, that is the Word of God! Both of you are coming together as the Bibles says to \u2018become ONE flesh!\u201d Mummy emphasized the \u2018one\u2019 that I nodded in a great support.
\n\u201cWow!\u201d Laura exclaimed like she was just learning some new maths.
\n\u201cEvery other thing comes outside you two! Children, job, ministry, achievements, they come outside the body of you both joined together as one!\u201d Mummy continued.
\n\u201cHmmmm\u201d I exclaimed.
\n\u201cMy children were my first love after God. My husband came second. Soon, Temmy went to school, Abigail followed, Dunmininu left too and then Paul! The day Paul left for school, I wept like no other! I felt like my whole world had been taken away. In fact, my husband wasn\u2019t even around to console me or something. He was busy romancing his ministry! My brother and sister, the Holy Spirit taught me something that period.\u201d Mummy paused.
\n\u201c \u2018Bimpe, your husband is your forever. The children you are loving more and calling \u2018Oko mi\u2019 (my husband) instead of the real owner of the name are going to leave you eventually to meet their own forevers. Stop teaching them the wrong thing. They would get married too and start loving their children more which is against the teachings and the Will of God. Correct it! God first, husband second, every other things can follow then!\u2019\u201d She paused and looked into my face then.
\n\u201cYou have your own fault too Dave\u201d Mummy faced me and I nodded, expecting to receive my own share of the blame.
\n\u201cWhen you started noticing the change, you should have communicated with her. You should have called her and\u2026\u201d She was saying when my wife rushed to my side and knelt before me.
\n\u201cHe did tell me. I felt it was strange but he did tell me. God gave me an angel as a husband but I mistreated him. I am the onein the wrong.\u201d She wept on. My heart melted at once as I held my wife\u2019s small hands in mine, trying to bring her up.
\n\u201cI am not an angel o. I should have called you severally. I should never have revenged. We are both wrong\u201d I said and pulled her into an embrace.
\n\u201cI didn\u2019t know its a sin. I didn\u2019t know. Forgive me my darling. I am so sorry my love\u201d She said, pulling me so closely that I felt it was too much before our visitor. Mummy sensed it too as she started laughing.
\n\u201cYou people won\u2019t let me go before you start loving up? C\u2019mon children, let\u2019s pray. When we are done and I have left, tuck in the children in their crib and go to the room to express your love.\u201d She said and started laughing. We joined her in the laughing spree too.
\n\u201cMummy, thank you so much ma\u201d I said.
\n\u201cYour well of wisdom shall be fresher and fresher. Your marriage shall be better and better too in the Name of Jesus\u201d My wife prayed. Mummy smiled lovingly.
\n\u201cAmen my dear. Shall we pray?\u201d She asked as she stood up. We knelt down before her and she held our shoulders as she said some fiery prayers for us.
\nThe warmth that rose from my wife\u2019s hand that I was holding rose up into my own arms as the prayer went on. It felt like the bridge constructed over a year between us was falling down. I felt glued to my wife. A new resolve to love her more and together love our Stephanie, Lorelai and Lestie girls rose up in me!
\nI have won my wife all over again!
\nAnd of course, children are not a curse!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Lizzy Oyebola Oyekunle Three months into our marriage, Laura was the best woman I had ever met! Talk of who spoke my love language the best, it was Laura! Planning surprises, pulling up loving pranks, praying for me, tickling and pecking me out of the blues, sending my heart some quakings, making me love […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":11348,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5777],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11347","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-features"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/everyday.ng\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11347","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/everyday.ng\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/everyday.ng\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/everyday.ng\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/everyday.ng\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11347"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/everyday.ng\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11347\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/everyday.ng\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11347"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/everyday.ng\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11347"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/everyday.ng\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11347"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}