Aunty Devaan, please help me figure this out:
I am a Christian. I was born into a Christian home, but took my own decision by the time I was finishing secondary school to make God, the Father of Jesus Christ, my spiritual Father. All through university I succeeded in keeping myself, so, by the time I graduated I was still a virgin, even all through my NYSC. I got a job, and by the grace of God, I remained chaste until the unspeakable happened to me.
I met a gentle and loving man in the same church, about five years older than me. We got married after going through the specified courtship and counselling, where I learnt he was also a virgin. I was elated.
We had a beautiful marriage ceremony and took off for Obudu Cattle Ranch. On the first night where I planned to do all that books and the media had thrown at me and I resisted, I awaited my husband, but he said he was too tired to do anything.
With the ceremony and the seven hours journey from Abuja, I had to agree with him. But on the second and third nights when he used prayers as excuses, I became a newly-wed grumbler.
By the fifth day, I could no longer bear and understand what was wrong. On the 7th day, I broke down in tears. By the 9th day, I was shocked when my husband confessed his impotence, and was trying to swear me to secrecy.
With the benefit of hindsight, I now recall that all through our months of courtship, my husband never made sexual overtures, not even a hint of it.
Now I know why, though I thought then he was keeping himself holy.
Please help me, Aunty Devaan, what do I do?
DEVAAN SAYS:
Get a divorce there. Any marriage contracted by way of falsehood or coercion can be annulled or dissolved once malicious intent can be proven. Leave him and start anew but keep your eyes open this time around. Sure it’s a lot easier said than done and the emotional pain, shame, time wasted and all these things might weigh you down. The good thing is, nothing lasts forever and time does heal all wounds. You will be fine again dear. I wish you all the best in life.
The sooner you do something the better, else it becomes hard to justify especially in court
Editor’s Note: Reactions are welcome
Straight and honest advice. For some it might seem like a harsh one but the relationship from the beginning is founded on lies, deceit and lies.
Aunty Devaan is right. Marriage that has been fraudulently contracted can be annulled. this is a case of deliberate intent to deceive
I don’t know how the lady will ‘ keep your eyes open this time’ is she to check her fiancé s manhood to be sure it’s fictional ? The divorce option is okay. No marriage should be contracted on a false premise. If impotence occurs sometime after the marriage, that’s a different thing.
When I hear people condemn divorce, I wonder what remedy they proffer for such aa situation like this one.
What! Go straight to divorce? No not yet. Yes, he might have hidden his medical condition but it’s still forgiveable. I think she loves the man so let’s not just throw it away immediately.if he’s repentant and she forgives, then they’re on the way to something better. Why not seek medical help first? Is it an incurable condition? Even if it is, is it impossible for God to heal?
I think Enyi has said it all. Let’s not forget the fact that what we are calling falsehood could be as a result of the fear not to lose the Lady due to a high level of affection.
She should assist the man in seeking for spiritual help and medical help, if the situation remains the same she could then decide for a divorce or stay with the condition forever.