Good day ma,
I have been dating my guy for about 5 years now. He is a good guy by any criteria. He is caring, he helps me financially. He is not rich but from the little he does have, he makes sure he gives me something for my own needs. He is kind, very humorous and God fearing. In fact apart from the moody silences he sometimes puts me through, I would say I have found my dream man. Also his mum seems to like me, and his siblings, too.
His father is dead and he is the first born son so I know his mum’s expectations for a wife would be quite high but she genuinely seems to like me. While my guy might not be rich, he is certainly OK by the standards of one his age. He has his own small apartment and a decent car. I am also working (in a bank) and my people also like him a lot.
My worry is, he has never so much as joked with me about marriage. Whenever I come around and his mum makes jokes about it, he changes the subject or laughs it off or walks away. He never engages. This worries me no end. I don’t understand it and I feel it’s unladylike to ask but it is really bothering me, particularly because I have dated him solely for a long time now and practically everybody knows us together. I really don’t know what to do or think. Please help.
My sister, this is a common dilemma nowadays, it seems. It’s been five years so you truly deserve to know where the relationship is going. You both work and with the length of the relationship, I figure you are probably in your mid to late 20s which would biologically be the best time to marry. You are still fertile, can make healthy babies and find the energy to care for them, etc., so, I get it. Plus, you have given five years up already. Nothing can restore those years.
While I don’t subscribe marriage to compensate for time spent dating, you have mentioned that you feel this person is your soul mate and those are not a dime a dozen.
My dear, just come straight out and ask him where the relationship is going since he seems reluctant to discuss it whenever others mention it. If he hedges do not relent. Tell him it’s important to you to know where you stand with him and if there is a future with you in it. If he keeps hedging and refuses to give you any answers, it might be safe to assume that even if he is the marrying type, you might not be his dream girl and he is just having a hard time cutting you off because of the amount of commitment you have put into the relationship.
Keep your mind open for possible rejection and also the very real fact that the end of that relationship should not be the end of your life. If you do find out he is not ready or perhaps just doesn’t want you in his life the way you want him in yours, don’t be afraid to walk away. Sometimes if takes walking away for your value to be known. If you stick around and get desperate, you might alienate him further.
By the same token, you might find that there are certain challenges he wants to overcome before inviting a woman to share his life permanently. Whatever it is, you will never know until that you have that talk. So, my dear sister, please go ahead and ask.
Good luck, dear.
***Devaan can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org