Good day Aunty Dee,
Hope everything is ok. I need to speak with you on something really personal. I think you will understand better than others.
I am genotype SS and I know you are too. How do you cope? With taking care of the home, your business and your health? I am engaged but my man has all of these expectations. I’m supposed to cook clean etc. But if I’m trying to balance work and my health, how do I take care of a man and the home? I’m battling malaria almost all the time. There’s pains, constipation etc I cook and clean but I don’t do it every day and a typical man wants a woman who can do that every day. At times, I don’t say anything about my health because I don’t want to sound too weak or whiny. Most times, when he comes in, he’s expecting a home-made meal and a clean room. Today, he returned from work and asked why I hadn’t cooked yet. He just assumes I am lazy. I didn’t tell him I was feeling sick yet again. All I said was that I am not yet his wife so he should not expect me to always cook for him.
I love this man and really don’t want to lose him. Please help.
Good day Sophia,
Your concerns are valid and not peculiar to you. I totally get the part about being scared of constantly talking about not feeling well. For one thing, people get tired of hearing it. Others think you are pretending and yet others think you are fishing for pity. As a result, many genotype SS people wind up bottling how they feel and trying to pretend they ‘re feeling perfectly okay when in fact they might not be.
In your own case you are not yet married. From what you say, I believe you have already told him you are genotype SS. Please put him in the full picture of how it is with you. When you feel ill he should know you feel ill. Let him be in the full picture of what he is signing up for. Better a broken relationship than a sad or broken marriage. People marry cripples, the terminally ill etc. One who truly loves you will just gird his loins and pray for strength to manage the situation.
In my case, I have been using medication that really helps me to a point where I have very few crises (I will share that with you privately). I also do every other thing I can to stay healthy. I try to eat well, I have reduced my sugar intake significantly, I take loads of water and I am lucky to have both an understanding husband and understanding colleagues. Additionally, when I am in good form, I make sure I give everything I am doing my best shot so that when I do feel ill people will empathise. At home, I have a housemaid and laundry man. I know not everybody can afford this but these are the things your intended needs to be aware of from the get go so it doesn’t come as an unpleasant surprise later.
Please sit him down to a nice, long, heart to heart, keep your fingers crossed and pray. If he truly is the man God has planned for you, he will understand and stay with you.
All the best and have no fear. God is in control.
Devaan can be reached via firstname.lastname@example.org