By Tunde Oni.
It has been a week since I finished fasting and Kenny had still not spent a single night in the house. Every morning he came home to dress for work and didn’t come home till the next morning. Every morning I met him at the door begging and cajoling but it was always the same. He totally ignored me, walked past into the guest room and walked back out once he was done changing clothes and having his bath. Not one word was ever said in acknowledgment.
I began to think I probably should have compromised during the 100 days. I did not expect him to take it this far. I did not even know what plausible solution I could execute. I knew sex was a big deal to men but it was always painful for me anyway so I was never all excited about it.
On our wedding night, when Kenny deflowered me, I thought I was only going to feel the pain for less than a week but it has been six months and every single intimacy we have had was laced with very uncomfortable pain.
Chauvinist as Kenny was, he felt I was just making a mountain out of a molehill and sex could not be as painful as I was making it to be. Truth was if not for the sake of procreation I was comfortable not having sex ever. The hype is definitely more than the experience.
I finally decided that maybe some physical solution was needed since the spiritual was not solving Kenny and I’s problem. I went to Google that afternoon as I got home from work and searched ” how to stop painful sex”. As soon as I finished reading of different positions to do to ease the pain and how the pain was coming from my mind. I made a few decisions on making sure sex became enjoyable.
Next, I Googled, ”how to seduce your husband” and I felt so uncomfortable with the sheer number of unholy things I discovered. I decided to take a bold step and put some things I found to practice to ensure Kenny finally stayed home for the night. As alien as it felt, I typed some steamy texts I found online to Kenny at one hour interval each,
”I am burning with desire for you honey”
When I did not get any response an hour later, I sent another one I found online.
”I can’t focus. All I can think about is what you will do to me if you were here with me”
Still no response, I sent this 30 minutes later,
”You taught me how to make love, tonight I will show you how much I have learnt”
I got a response after this saying.
”Please I am in a meeting with the board”
I was so happy, I literally jumped up from my seat. This was the only statement Kenny had sent to me in a week and I decided to send more.
”Just thinking about you inside of me.”
He responded immediately,
”Stop this rubbish Omolola”
I decided I had had enough of Google and composed one text message of my own.
”Please come home and stay tonight. I accept I was wrong. I want to make it right and make it up to you. Please give me a chance, I love you baby”.
He responded simply with,
I was so happy and I quickly jumped up from the couch and drove to the supermarket. I bought a new matching lingerie, a foot massage kit and also full body massage oil. I had read on Google that massaging the foot and body could do wonders in pointing in the right direction. I also bought a lubricator. Google had taught me so much.
I immediately rushed home after and prepared fried rice with plantain and peppered chicken for Kenny. By 8pm, I was finally done and ready for him to walk in. I sat on the sofa in my lingerie and the table was already set. I tried calling Kenny but his phone was off so I waited.
I must have slept off on the sofa because the sound of the door being opened woke me up the next morning at about 7am. Kenny never showed up last night. He walked in and paused for a minute staring at me before walking past as usual to the guest room.
I sat down in frustration and cried so hard. I was still crying when he walked back out 30 minutes later and slammed the door.